Hold The Door For Someone

I was recently visiting my friend in her beautiful new home, when I had the thought, “I wish I had more money so I, too, could enjoy a house like this.” But then it occurred to me: I AM enjoying this house right now. Just because my name isn’t on the deed doesn’t detract at all from the pleasure I feel being here.

We’re all like this at times. We confuse pleasure with possession. We think that if we can just possess that house or lover or experience, we can extend the pleasure it gives us. But you can’t extend pleasure. It’s always here for just a moment. Then it changes.

The illusion of possession influences so much of the way we think we have to live. Consider, for example, the famous self-help phrase, “Take up space!” On the one hand, it makes sense: It’s important not to hide parts of yourself or be ashamed of who you are.

But if you look around the world — at war, conquest, and capitalistic greed — you realize very quickly that people taking up space is exactly the problem. If your happiness is based on having a larger share of land, power, status, or attention, people are going to fight you.

My Five Rhythms dance teacher says: “Give up the space to find the space.” If you’re dancing with someone, and instead of trying to impress them with your moves, you focus on giving them room to express themselves, you suddenly find yourself in your own flow and connected to your own expression. This is the real way we grow and find our power.

I recently heard someone say: “I hate when people hold doors for each other. It just slows everyone down.” Where are you in such a rush to get to? What exactly do you think lies up ahead? I promise you, it’s as empty as foam on the waves. Slow the fuck down. Hold the door for someone. Make eye contact even. Give up the space to find the space.

As always, if you'd like to be held through your own process, contact me and we’ll set up a free sample coaching call.

Louis Janmot, "Rays of Sunlight" (1854)