Before You Play The Game, Study The Winners

When I was in college, a famous poet came to town, and a friend invited me to dinner with him. I liked the poet’s work, but at dinner I was appalled by his behavior. He pawed the waitress, bragged about his new home, and mocked other poets. When I later reread his poetry, I saw all the insecurity and insincerity I'd missed upon first reading. This was one of the moments that taught me that art is worthless if it isn’t backed by an examined life.

The comparing mind thinks in terms of winners and losers, but it never counts the cost of winning. It admires the rich without seeing what wealth can take from the soul. It envies the famous and beautiful without noticing how fame and beauty often prevent people from being truly seen and understood. This is because comparison is rooted in craving, a narrowing of the mind that robs us not just of contentment, but also of clarity.

The Buddha said that if you must compare yourself, compare yourself to the kind and the generous. Kindness and generosity are forms of inner wealth that don’t drain our strength or focus. No one regrets a life of service, yet many people live “successful” lives only to reach the end and realize they squandered their time, energy, and peace of mind.

One of the happiest people I ever knew was my friend James Kenny, who passed away a few years ago. James lived in a crumbling flat that cost $100 a month. He worked one night a week as a bouncer, always wearing the one suit he owned, and saw his girlfriend once a week, on Wednesdays. James meditated, yes. But more than what he did, his life was defined by what he didn't do. He was happy because of all the games he didn’t play.

A good life is built mainly through subtraction. You can’t let the comparing mind fill your head and schedule and then find fulfillment by adding a little yoga on top. It doesn’t work that way. You have to think more radically about the shots you aren't going to take. Yes, you don't get points that way, but you get back a great deal of life.

David Yarrow, "Poker Nights" (2025)