Don't Divide Yourself

Anthony Bourdain once observed that dictators tend to eat terrible food. Because in spite of their wealth and power, dictators care more about control than pleasure. They’d prefer to eat a $100 plate of predictable spaghetti at a private restaurant rather than try trying something new at a street market.

We’re often dictators in our own minds. We insist on one predictable identity that gives us a sense of control, then we exile other parts of ourselves. But this just breeds mediocrity, for the parts we reject often hold our greatest gifts. Our angry parts may hold our deepest values. Our jealous parts may point to the lives we’re longing for.

When my meditation students fixate on rules and procedures, it’s often a sign they’re about to quit. They’re practicing from too narrow a sense of self, and their repressed parts are about to sabotage the whole process. It’s the same with all attempts at a single, unified theory of life — whether that’s religious fundamentalism, simplistic self-help systems, or our obsession with technology as a cure for everything. These are signs of inner totalitarianism in which revolution is always brewing.

The human mind isn’t some sleek, streamlined app. It’s more like an old 1970s garage cluttered with dusty tools, each of which may seem outdated but has a purpose. Wisdom lies not in choosing between parts of the mind, but in knowing when to use each tool.

So look at the places where you’re meeting with resistance right now, and try to see these not as personal failings, but as diverse tools whose purpose you’re still learning. For example, if you’re frustrated with not finding a partner, perhaps you’re still learning what the tool of loneliness is for. If you aren’t getting recognition for your work, perhaps you’re still learning some deeper use for your talents.

You can’t resolve the contrasts within you — nor would you want to. But just because your mind is diverse doesn’t mean it must be divided. Indeed, there can be great unity and strength in diversity. Begin with that premise, and let your path unfold from there.