Don't Poll the Audience

In Greek mythology, there’s a story of a nymph named Echo who was cursed to repeat other people’s words. Echo fell in love with a beautiful young man, but when she tried to confess her feelings, she could only parrot back to him what he said. He got angry and rejected her. She withered away, till nothing but her voice remained — an echo.

We like to think our views and opinions belong to us. But mostly, our arguments and justifications are ways of parroting other voices. We complain to friends about a partner, secretly hoping their perspective will turn out to be ours. We rehearse confrontations in our heads, secretly hoping this inner script will earn us some kind of applause. We’re constantly polling an audience — actual or imaginary — as if that consensus were wisdom.

But outsourcing intuition has two drawbacks. First, adopting other people’s opinions also means absorbing their fears. A friend’s relationship advice to you is shaped by their own insecurities. The online parenting blog that you’re using for encouragement also reflects the author’s doubts about their ability to raise a child well. Most advice isn’t actually meant to help you. It’s meant to reassure the giver.

Moreover, when you poll the audience, you aren’t connected to truth as something in your body. Advice treats life as if it were a problem to solve rather than something to live. But at the end of the day, you either live peace in your partnership or you don’t. You either live joy with your child or you don’t. Other people can’t vote you into happiness.

Ajaan Suwat used to say, “Each of us has one person.” It doesn’t mean we don’t need others. It means no one else can do the work for you of listening to your innate wisdom and acting on it. Within you is a remarkable instrument: a heart that resonates with each action, showing you in your body where you’re aligned with your wish for happiness and where you’re not. Don’t let that instrument be drowned out by the noise of the world. Don’t ask for permission to trust what you already know.