Don't Romanticize Perfectionism

You may know the Greek myth of Icarus, who flew too close to the sun with wings made of feathers and wax. The sun melted his wings, and he fell to his death. Tragic romantics often use this myth to suggest that following your heart or finding true love always ends in pain. “Sigh, our romance was not to be. I soared too high and paid the price.”

But that’s not the point of the story. Icarus and his father were imprisoned on an island, and the wings were supposed to be their means of escape. So the real lesson is: perfectionism gets in the way of freedom. You don’t need to fly as high as the sun. You need to get off the island you’re stuck on.

Take relationships. Some people think they have to “do inner work” and become a perfect version of themselves before dating. But the only way to get better at relationships is to be in them. Similarly, artists often get lost in endless revisions or avoid creating altogether because they forget that growth comes from making, sharing, and failing.

I work with many people who struggle with perfectionism, and I always tell them: don’t romanticize it. It’s not a humble brag to say, “I’m such a perfectionist. I have such terribly high standards.” Perfectionism isn’t about high standards. It’s a sign that you don’t understand the purpose and process of what you’re doing.

Meditation makes this clear. When you watch your breath, you realize there’s no perfect breath, no perfect meditation. Everything is inherently imperfect. But suffering doesn’t come from imperfection; it comes from clinging. The more you stop forcing the breath to be different, the more natural and pleasurable it becomes.

Life is the same. The sooner you accept your mistakes in parenting, creativity, or anything else, the faster you grow. Ideals blind you; action frees you. Un-stick yourself and keep going. Your wisdom and creativity will find you in mid-flight.

Alexandre Cabanel, "The Death of Icarus" (1857)