It Takes A Long Time To Become Yourself

As a musician, I’ve learned that there are no bad melodies, only melodies that haven’t been worked on long enough. Any collection of notes can become something beautiful with repeated listening and tweaking. It just takes attention and care to smooth out the rough edges and let the magic emerge.

The same is true of anything authentic in life. Many people try to force originality through intellect alone, chasing trends and ready-made identities. These are people who won’t admit to having ordinary emotions such as sadness or jealousy, because such feelings don't seem interesting enough. Yet in trying so hard to be original, they actually become the most clichéd version of themselves.

Miles Davis said, “Man, sometimes it takes you a long time to sound like yourself.” When I was younger, I always rushed songwriting. I tried to shoehorn big emotions and ideas into my music, not realizing that each song is a journey of discovery that can’t be understood in advance. The result was music I hated and couldn’t recognize as my own.

These days, a strange but frequent compliment I get is, “You really sound like you, Paul.” That isn’t the result of any special talent. It’s the result of a long, grueling process of self-acceptance. I've had to accept all the things I can’t do in order to find the singular thing that is my own voice.

The Buddha taught that authenticity isn’t found in ideas, but in keeping one's awareness in the body. The mind is always fleeing into past and future. And why not? The body is full of pain and impermanence. So the mind dreams of being flawless, like an AI avatar. But as my friend Danny always says, the one thing AI can never be is cool. Stop trying to be flawless. Stay in your body, accept your limits, and take your time. The voice that’s truly great within you will emerge some day.