Bring Back Love Songs

Have you noticed how rare love songs are today? If the twentieth century celebrated the wonders of romance, the twenty-first is preoccupied with its disappointments. “Traitor.” “Vampire.” “We Can’t Be Friends.” Pop music today seems obsessed with betrayal.

Of course, betrayals happen. And sure, “My Girl” and “All I Have to Do Is Dream” were just fantasies. But isn’t the idea of a perfectly toxic ex its own kind of fantasy? We’ve stopped believing in perfect lovers, but we still believe in perfect villains.

I think our obsession with betrayal reflects more than disappointment. It also reflects our fear of what love awakens in us. In a world where we swipe for dates and order dinner on demand, we’ve gotten accustomed to getting what we want. But we still can’t control how we feel when we love: powerless, desperate, or lovesick. And we resent others for it.

One thing I like about the Buddha’s teachings is that they reject both romantic idealism and cynicism. The Buddha recognized our deep wish for love, but also the suffering that comes from expecting others to fulfill it. That means we can neither turn away from our longing nor expect romance to satisfy it completely. We have to cultivate the capacity to love without making others responsible for our happiness.

Years ago, a woman came to me and said, “I’m worried you’re going to judge me, since you’re a meditation teacher. But I’ve fallen hopelessly in love with someone.” I told her that the dharma isn’t there to make us ashamed of our longings. It’s there to help us meet our experience as it actually is, not as someone told us it should be.

One day, I hope we’ll have better love songs. Songs that say more than “you look wonderful tonight” or “I hope you’re miserable until you’re dead.” Songs about loving without guarantees, without heroes or villains. Songs that remind us of something we knew when we were young: that the heart is made to break open, not hide away.

As always, if you’d like to be held through your own process, reach out and we’ll set up a free coaching call.