Clean Your House

Rumi tells a story of a saint who knew what his visitors needed without ever having to be told. If a visitor lacked a particular amount of money, the saint would give him exactly that sum. When asked how he knew, the saint replied, “I have swept the house of my heart clean of both good and evil, so whatever else passes through it is immediately recognizable.”

Rumi then develops the metaphor: when you see a date palm reflected in clear water, he says, you know the tree isn’t actually in the water. It comes from somewhere else. Likewise, when a heart is clear, another person’s inner state can appear within it without being mistaken for one’s own.

In my coaching practice, I’ve learned to resist immediately trying to help my clients. Of course, I want to help them eventually. But if I move too quickly, the “good” in my own house can get in the way. I start listening for the problem I can solve instead of hearing the person in front of me. And that is the most important thing: to remember that the person in front of me is not my idea of them.

Ajaan Chah often taught in much the same way. Let go even of what you think is good, he would say. Not because good motives are always suspect, but because our attachment to them can make it harder to see what’s really here.

In other words: be generous, but don’t become attached to your idea of what generosity should look like. Be kind, but don’t let your idea of kindness keep you from saying hard truths. Help when you can, but don’t let your desire to help keep you from pure, open listening.

So clean your house. Literally, as well as metaphorically. Make space around the things you think you need, even the good ones. Learn not to see simplicity as boring. A perfectly empty house isn’t the goal, either — that idea itself is just more clutter. We empty our physical and mental houses to make them hospitable. And don’t worry: there will be plenty of visitors. Greet them all with curiosity, a wide smile, and a mind of infinite space.

As always, if you’d like to be held through your process, reach out and we’ll set up a free coaching call.