Death Is A Living Thing

People often think of me as some happy-go-lucky Pooh Bear, but I’m much more like Eeyore — especially in that scene where Eeyore's balloon pops and he decides he likes it better that way. Now it fits more easily into his jar. Man, I feel that.

I don’t want to pop anyone’s balloon, but we’re all going to die. We like to pretend death is far away, a stranger living in some foreign country. But he's already here: closer than a vein, a constant companion walking beside us year after year. Death is a living thing.

Ajaan Chah used to say, “When you don’t understand death, life can be very confusing.” Without mindfulness of death, you start believing the point of life is to store up wealth, status, or experiences. Then all these balloons keep popping, and you think, What’s wrong with me? Why do bad things keep happening? Confusing, indeed.

When I first got cancer at twenty, I wasn’t scared at all. My life was on the line, but I just kept thinking, Let’s see what happens next. I was young and hadn’t accumulated so many ideas about how life was supposed to go.

Then, when I got cancer again at thirty-five, I panicked, even though this time it was much less serious. I’d forgotten about my constant companion, and he caught me off guard one day in a doctor’s office, right as I was thinking about how to promote my music and get my girlfriend to treat me better. I’d forgotten the most important thing.

The Buddha says that whenever you see the sun rise or set, you should ask yourself: What if this is the last one I'll ever see? Many people think the answer to that question is a bucket list: more travel or painting classes before the curtain falls.

But the Buddha says: remember that if you only had one moment left, and in that moment you were fully present, you would have accomplished a great deal. A great deal!

The point of death is to be alive. Not to do more. Not to win more. But to be fully here while you’re here. That’s the most important thing. Don’t forget the most important thing.

Caravaggio, "Saint Jerome" (1605-1606)