Expect Some Rough Air

I recently read an article that made an interesting distinction between emotional literacy and emotional health. Today, we’re more fluent in the language of feeling than ever. We can identify and analyze our emotions better than previous generations, but that doesn’t mean we’re happier. Because emotional health is not just a matter of awareness, but of being able to work skillfully with what we feel.

The Buddha would say that what we lack is equanimity: the ability to meet shifting moods and circumstances with steadiness and space.

Think of a plane moving through turbulence. If you’ve never flown, every jolt feels like falling from the sky. But with experience, you learn that it’s just air currents beneath the wings: uncomfortable, perhaps, but not a crisis.

In life, we often get thrown by every unexpected change. Why did my partner say THAT? Why did my boss look at me like THAT? Our awareness zooms in on the bump, not the sky surrounding it, so we react without really understanding what's happening.

The Buddha taught that equanimity — a “mind like sky” — can be cultivated through the breath. If you watch your breath, you'll see the ways you add extra tension: pulling too hard on the inhale, squeezing the exhale. But as you let the breath be as rough or bumpy as it wants to be, you start to move with it, and the ride gets more pleasant.

This is the same quality we need in life. When a colleague offers criticism, can you feel the sting without spiraling into defensiveness? When a date cancels, can you register disappointment without questioning your worth? For behind these bumps is a deeper truth: your happiness depends on your choices, not your circumstances. And you can always choose a wider perspective.

As Leonard Cohen said, “If you don’t become the ocean, you’ll be seasick every day.”