Each Of Us Has One Person

There’s an old Norwegian fairy tale called “The Giant Who Had No Heart in His Body,” in which a prince rescues a princess held captive by a giant. The giant’s heart is located outside his body, inside an egg on a faraway island. The prince finds the egg, crushes it, the giant dies, and the prince and princess live happily ever after.

People say we live in a selfish world, but that’s not exactly true. Much of what we call selfishness comes from having our hearts located outside our bodies: in our phones, the next thing we hope to buy, the latest outrage. We think compassion must mean caring less about ourselves, but often it's the opposite: when we bring our attention inside, consideration for others becomes more natural.

A friend of mine says, “When you no longer need to belong or be seen, you are free.” I’ve spent a lot of my life grappling with the feeling that I don’t belong or am not seen. And belonging and being seen ARE needs, to some extent.

But when we need these things everywhere we go, we place our hearts outside our bodies. At its extreme, the need to belong everywhere is conquest: This place must be mine, too. At its extreme, the need to be seen everywhere is narcissism: Everyone must recognize me.

What matters most is that you belong to yourself, that you see yourself. As Ajaan Suwat used to say, “Each of us has one person.” You’ve been given yourself to look after, and your first responsibility is to attend to that person.

You are going to go places where you absolutely do not belong. Just make sure you're not a stranger to yourself. You are going to find yourself in places where you are invisible. Just make sure you're not invisible to yourself.

Attending to ourselves doesn't mean obsessively curating the story of our lives. Often, the story is how we abandon ourselves. Attending to ourselves means bringing awareness to this body — breath, sensation, emotion — and vowing to keep company with whatever we find there.

As always, if you’d like to be held through your process, reach out and we’ll set up a free coaching call.

Kay Nielsen, “The Giant Who Had No Heart in His Body” (1914)