It's Not Supposed To Be Easy

In a 1992 interview, Leonard Cohen said, “But why shouldn’t my work be hard? Almost everybody’s work is hard. One is distracted by this notion that there is such a thing as inspiration, that it comes fast and easy.”

He wasn’t just talking about songwriting. In all areas of life, we mistake difficulty for a sign that something’s wrong. We treat soreness after a workout as injury. We take the strain of hard conversations as proof we’re in the wrong relationship. We read friction as failure and confuse discomfort with harm. That's why we don't get very far.

The Buddha taught that happiness requires a quality called ātapa: inner heat, the willingness to make effort. Just as the body must move and exert itself in order to rest well, the mind must exert itself through focus and attention in order to shed stress and worry. Many of the so-called psychological problems are simply the result of not giving the mind meaningful work.

At a deeper level, ātapa also means the qualities of a lover. Not just discipline, but devotion. When lovers buy flowers, they choose the best ones with care. In the same way, life becomes sweet when we take care in choosing the best ways to breathe, think, and show up to each moment. You may have been taught that the secret to inner peace is not giving a fuck about anything, but it's actually the opposite. If you want to be happy, you should really give a fuck about a few things.

It’s not supposed to be easy. Think of dating apps as a metaphor for life. We’re always trying to swipe our way to frictionless fulfillment, but dating apps have made us miserable by removing the effort that makes love meaningful. We keep adding filters for what we think we want, and as a result, we see higher levels of anxiety and loneliness.

Stop trying to optimize your life. Most of the systems, habits, and relationships you have are more than good enough. Return to what you’re doing right now and put your back into it. And when that voice says, “Why should it be so hard?” reply, “Why shouldn’t it? Against what other non-existent life am I beating this one to death?”