Or Not
In the Bible, Jacob wrestles with a mysterious figure on the night before reuniting with his estranged brother Esau. Following rabbinic tradition, Rashi identifies the figure as Esau’s guardian angel and connects the Hebrew vaye’avek, “wrestled,” with a word for attachment. Jacob wrestles with what he fears until wrestling and embracing become almost indistinguishable. Then the angel tells Jacob to let go. But Jacob says no.
Does life have to be such a struggle? There is certainly wisdom in seeing how much conflict, tension, and attachment you can simply drop. If you look, you may find you can let go of much more than you thought in this very moment.
But there will still be places where we unconsciously seek out struggle, and this impulse is not always stupidity. Sometimes our deepest blessings are found precisely in the places where we refuse to let go.
There’s a kind of joke among Buddhist teachers that we say “or not” a lot. “See if you can let go of your expectations. Or not.” “See if you can wish that difficult person well. Or not.” The “or not” reminds us that growth never comes from force or coercion.
You are always free not to follow any instruction. But declining the instruction doesn’t free you from the central practice, which is to see clearly what your actions are doing.
Take anger, for example. We often resist letting it go because we think it makes us safer, more dignified, more protected. So don’t let go. Really hold on to the anger. Burn up in it. Know it.
Please don’t live your life trying to be a good student. There is no test to pass, no one’s approval to get. There is only your life and your mind, which you alone must inhabit. You have to live with yourself. Really know this.
Or not.
As always, if you’d like to be held through your own process, reach out and we’ll set up a free coaching call.
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