Disappointment Is Better Than Regret
One thing that often surprises Westerners about the Buddha’s teachings is how often he talks about regret. You’d think the Buddha would say, “Regret nothing!” But in fact, his very last words were, “Practice. Don’t later fall into regret.”
Because regret isn’t something you just talk yourself out of. You can try. But to do so, you have to cut yourself off from important parts of who you are.
Regret isn’t fun, but it can bring us back into alignment. If we don’t dwell on the past, but instead let regret inform how we live in the present, it can be beautifully transformative.
Still, it’s not something we want to seek out. So often in life, we have a choice between disappointment and regret. We can take an action that may lead to disappointment, or we can avoid risk and later regret never trying. Too often, we choose the path of regret.
We don’t ask because we might hear no. We betray what we know is right because we’re scared of being rejected. We stay inside the safety of our judgments because not knowing feels uncomfortable. We dodge disappointment today and harvest regret tomorrow.
People often come to my coaching practice because something hasn’t worked out: a career, a relationship, a dream. They’re disappointed.
But I tell them I practice “coaching the person, not the problem.” Disappointment focuses on what didn't happen, but I’m interested in the emerging person. What fuller expression of you is trying to be born? How can you live so you won’t later regret who you became?
Disappointment is like a sunburn: it stings, but fades after a while. Regret is like scar tissue: it stays, deadening our experience of life.
There’s a desire you’ve been storing up. Face it. Say it. Try it. Make it. Risk finding out. Don’t later fall into regret.
As always, if you’d like to be held through your process, reach out and we’ll set up a free coaching call.
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