Two Ears, One Mouth

I recently read an article on "The Death of the Music Fan." It argued that the technological shifts that have turned everyone into a content creator have also made it nearly impossible for anyone to be a fan. When everyone's chasing an audience, no one's left to be one.

I’ve done this too. As a musician, I've spent years honing my craft, and yet not being enough of an audience for my audience. I was often more interested in being heard than discovering the people listening on the other side of my songs.

I still long for more connection through music. I'm just not willing to make being seen the organizing principle of my art. Because I've come to understand that filling every silence with self-expression isn’t really self-expression at all. It’s the attention economy speaking through us, robbing us of our true voice.

The only real rebellion in a world of incessant self-expression, therefore, is to listen. To your friends. To your clients. To your fellow artists. To the poems, melodies, and thoughts floating in the ether. To listen deeply and often.

When I was younger, if someone got upset by something I said or wrote, my instinct was to defend myself with more words. Now I mostly see these moments as invitations to listen for what matters so much to another person that they’re willing to risk conflict over it. That’s where deeper connection lies.

I can spar with the best. But it's more satisfying to listen, beneath people's criticisms, for the values they feel are being threatened, and help them make more room for these. This is the basis of my coaching practice.

Two ears, one mouth, as the saying goes. We’re meant to listen twice as much as we speak. That’s not an old-fashioned rule designed to make you docile. Just the opposite: forget how to listen, and you’ll soon be someone else’s tool.

As always, if you'd like to be held through your own process, contact me and we’ll set up a free coaching call.

Nerina Lascelles, "Song of Creation"